The great bard had famously said “Journeys end in lovers meeting” – profound thought indeed.In the echelons of the history of time, umpteen chapters have been penned by distraught lovers singing paeans for this extraordinary phenomenon called love. Somehow I used to believe its bull crap for a very long time, until the fat ass Cupid struck me. This experience came quite late in my life & probably that was the reason that when it happened , it was so intense that I was swept off my feet.
I’ve had my share of crushes, who hasn’t for that matter. The initial stages of getting to know this lady also seemed like another crush, but it eventually turned into a feeling much much stronger – a feeling so powerful & overwhelming that it took over the better of me, taking control of my senses, at times leading to an almost delirious state of mind. I guess it was her simplicity & the depth of character, the many layers she had beneath those glistening marble like eyes marked with the magical dark outline of kohl. How can I forget the manner in which I was enchanted by the air of mystery that she brought with her, intriguing me each time to scratch beneath the surface & touch her soul.
The friendship, the camaraderie & the bond I shared with her was amazing. It sounds way cheesy, but yeah her innocent smile & the child like charm was nothing less than the northern lights in the deep grey skies. Probably the most remarkable thing, which made my heart race was the flashes of my own mother which I could see in her – the knack of perfection she had, the simple yet tasteful way she dressed , never going over the top. A lot of it has probably got to do with the fact that most of us men are just mamma’s brats who have grown way too much physically in proportion to our cranium , hence we can’t get rid of that never ending need of a motherly figure in our lives – I am no outlier either.
Anyway , before I get carried away by my emoshuns, the truth is things didn’t go as I had wanted them to be, its an unpalatable fact, but yeah – “There aren’t any free lunches in life” as they say. The excellent friendship we shared was ruined when I confessed my love to her, I believed she handled it surprisingly well initially but then certain things happened & it hit a bumpy road which shook up everything. I know I have been wrong & probably she also could have been little considerate & behaved differently, but then there are certain things one can’t just simply put in words. I can’t blame her, for she had been through a painful breakup but then I wasn’t the party crasher either- being way too sentimental in this entire episode was something that lead me to some crazy behaviour(in her words) but in my defence – I have hardly known any other way , she was the first love of my life – I had every reason to act like that. As of today, we don’t talk to each anymore, & I know the headstrong girl she is(damn i had fallen for this) – she’ll maintain this distance from me forever, however the only thing I can wish for her is smiles & joy , I know she is someone who has the capability to reach the skies , I so wish for her to do that. That said, the selfish bastard that I am , I secretly wish her to come back for me someday even though its a tall order & practically very difficult, but we all hang by that thin string of hope , somewhere deep down in our hearts, at the back of our minds & this keeps the wheels rolling …..
I end this with these beautiful words by Ben Kopel -
“One must be one to ever be two and if you were a day I’d find a way to live through you”