Why I don’t believe in the concept of god…..

Yeah that’s right, it’s not a typo, it was on purpose that I typed the “g” in god in small case. I guess I was never a believer in a higher power, albeit for a short period of time when I was too young to think logically, being bred on the thoughts which were served by the adults of this world. Luckily, better sense prevailed & I slowly became a man of reason(ooh that sounds cool ). I have had arguments with many people including my own mother on the topic of me abhorring the idea of a greater higher power. I am fortunate that she never forced her beliefs on me. I don’t think many kids are lucky that way. My dad who although believes in one, comes from a village but he is one such fellow who absolutely detests superstitions & senseless religious rituals. I guess it rubbed onto me, I went a step ahead though becoming an Atheist(yeah, that demands “A” in upper case).

You just gotto ask  simple question to the people who believe in the existence of a white bearded fellow up in sky – “Why do you believe in him”(and by the way who decided on the sex of god- maybe he/she is bisexual), they’ll spring up with the cliched rhetorical response “Who do you think created the universe”. They fail to answer another question of mine though, which follows from the condescending response of their’s ” Who created god then”. The fact is, there is no such thing as god . We however fail to rationally understand this & become slaves to the thought of that imaginary creature.

I am sure the world would be a lot better place & men would be more at peace if they detached themselves from religion & god. I am sure, as sands of time pass – we’ll surely have a human race which will stop making a fool of istelf by praying & bowing before a myth which is nothing more than a germination of the human mind. Wish that day comes soon

Dasveedanja Pune

2 years 6 months & 22 days- a day too many for a city to make you feel at home. When you stay in a place for  this long, it starts to rub on to you- the lifestyle, the culture slowly transgresses the cocoon of any pre conceived notions, any initial reservations one has about the city. I remember all the details of my journey vividly as I came here 2 years back- it was a strange feeling. I was unsure for this was the first time in my life I would be leaving home & stepping out into a new territory out of the warmth & self assuring comfort of my nest. However these thoughts were only in the back of my mind- I was more than excited to live hostel life in a big city.

This period of more than 2 years has been like the proverbial box of chocolates, calling it a roller coaster ride won’t be an exaggeration. There have been some highs, moments of joy which warmed the heart- some memories which no other place could have possibly given. For the first time, I was living & sharing my room & spending my day with people not related to me by blood.  They eventually became my family- have found some incredible people who are now an inseparable part of my life, for I have had some indelible memories with them.

The last 10 months were a test- unarguably the toughest of my life. Times when I could not sleep at night, for months I was confined to the solitude of a room – seldom breaking down when things were too hard to handle. I felt like a speed bag which is at the receiving end of a flurry of punches, shaking me up & testing my patience continuously. I know it sounds clichéd – but hell yeah, I came out stronger. More than shaping me up for theadversities – these times changed me for life. It was like circumstances of life had altered the strands of my DNA, which no longer leaves what you originally were. I have little clue- if it is for the good or worse, only time will answer these questions. One thing which I can safely conclude is the fact that the people around you, people who are an essential part of life will be determining factors in such moments. I became close to my family like never before, suddenly my parents have become my biggest assets. Certain gem of friends who stood by me, helped me maintain my sanity & kept my cynicism in check, while the fake one’s fell by the side.

Anyway keeping the negativity aside- I leave the city on a good note, & as I finally bid adieu to the place, memories of last 2 years swarm around, leaving me with a damp eye. Pune, I owe you a lot, you have shaped me up for life, given me lessons which are priceless- maybe I’ll return back someday…….

TRAIN TO PAKISTAN

I essentially have always found reading as a boring & monotonous activity. Until recently I hardly used to read anything apart from the daily newspaper- which I can’t do without. However a long spate of sitting idle within confines of my room has over a period of time make me take interest in it. The latest book which I finished is “Train to Pakistan”. It has been written by Khushwant Singh- one of India’s prolific writers & a personal favorite. TTP is often regarded one of Khushwant’s classic works. It is a coming of age story about a small village on Indo Pak border set in the back drop of partition.

The plot is gripping & seldom fails to keep the reader intrigued. Khushwant Singh has mastered the art of story telling- the plot literally takes you to Mano Majra- the remote village where the story is set in. The characters feel so real, all of them capture your imagination, whether it’s the Gurdwara priest Meet Singh, the dacoit- Jugga, Iqbal Singh- the political activist or Hukum Singh the magistrate. It starts off with individual plots involving the characters , which soon happen to be interconnected as the plot unfolds. Each character even if not directly coming in contact with the other, manages to influence the unfolding of events in the other’s life. The book gradually shifts focus to human emotions in times of adversity. How fast men unknowingly see a shift in their loyalties & their affiliations by the sheer turn of events is captured in the book magnificently. Friends who swore by their friendship for many generations soon turn out to blood thirsty savages. Amongst all this mayhem & morbidity where humans have turned into nothing less than beasts, there is that inherent trait of kindness & compassion amongst all of us- irrespective of caste, nationality & religion. The climax is one of the high points of the book which again reflects all those aspects of human nature beautifully.

This book is however not for one’s with  a taste for non fiction plots & people into serious reading. The beauty of the book lies in its simplicity making the process of reading hardly seem onerous. Definitely worth reading once…….

Keep Marching On…….

It has been a long hiatus from writing my blog, I am not sure what exactly made me stop doing it. There have been a couple of factors, at the top of stack is my futile attempts at grabbing my first job. The struggle (literally) has been on for a while now, it’s almost 7 months since I stepped out of college. It won’t be an exaggeration to say that these last few months were the toughest of my life. I have been punched hard in the face, made to fall flat on my face  & pinned down by certain circumstances.  My mind was always filled with thoughts of negativity & despair. If my sleep was disturbed in the middle of the night, the first thought that came to my mind was of getting employed- that’s how bad I wanted it. Often I felt that the whole universe was trying to push me; bend me to see when I break. I guess I have already set a negative tone to this post, so let’s cut out this obnoxiousness.

I got my first job 2 days back, today was the first day at office. The roles & responsibilities which I would be required to handle in this job do not exactly confirm to what I had imagined out of my job. However certain situations & circumstances force us to do what we might despise, that’s life. The trick is not to get bogged down by it & continuously pursue for your ultimate goal.  Another fantastic thing which everyone keeps on ranting all the time, but very few are able to follow is to take the positives out of whatever condition life has put you in. Of all things, this hell of a time which I have gone through has bought me more close to my family. The support & encouragement which my parents gave during this tough time helped me maintain my sanity. My sisters whom I always saw as my little kids used to be in tears seeing their elder bruv in pain, their eyes were moist again when they heard about of job offer, this time it was out of joy. Then there were those friends, true gems who stood by me, calmed me down when I was losing it & supported me endlessly. I know tough times are still not over, they won’t be over till I get a suitable job, but I suppose I am better prepared to handle them now. I see this new job as baby step to get to my final destination. Without sounding pompous, I feel proud for never doubting my abilities in spite of all the umpteen rejections in the interviews which I appeared for – the faith in self has remained unshaken. Hope good times will usher in soon , coz as they say “ Every dog has his day”. 

BHEJA FRY……..

The mind is its own place, and in itself

Can make a heaven of Hell, a hell of Heaven.

JOHN MILTON, Paradise Lost

Human mind is one of the most wonderful things in the cosmos. It’s the mind that has shaped the world that we live in today.  Everything marvelous that has ever happened to the world has germinated from that grey slimy lump encased in our skulls. It makes a lot of sense that the cranium is perched at the highest level in the human anatomy – à la Zeus who took to the skies & controlled everything from up there. However if we spare a thought & ponder for a while it’s not hard to visualize the other aspect of our mind. The dark side to the brain- it won’t be an exaggeration to say that the human mind is the most dangerous workshop. Every evil  & obnoxious thought is seeded in there, it then transforms into a vermin, which knows no bounds – it continues to surprise us with its capacity to weave a dangerous web of deceit & destruction.

It is very easy to get dominated by our mind, for it springs at every chance it gets to control our actions. To be fair, we have known no other way- we never see ourselves& our being in isolation from our mind.  This leads to each and every cell of our body bearing the brunt of mind’s tumultuous shenanigans – our bodies have become subservient to the brain. This often causes emotional pain & hurt, impulsive behavior. Often leading to actions which taken in the heat of the moment later result in mixed feelings of remorse & repentance. How often have you experienced that, I guess it happens a lot of time, although each time we find out reasons & explanations to justify it.

So what does one do- does a man have a choice. I am no expert on these matters, not a shrink or a psychiatrist, but one thing which I can say with conviction now is that the maximum joy & pleasure is derived out of moments & activities where your mind is numb- not caught in the cobwebs of negativity. This is what I call absolute freedom- the moment of bliss. For instance, where lies the thrill in adventure sports like bungee jumping or sky diving – it’s the disassociation from the thinking process of the mind that we experience those fantastic moments, the rush of adrenaline through our body. Absolutely same holds true for attraction, love & orgasm – we are detached from our minds & hence experience that sweet pleasure which is unlike anything. But the million dollar question is – How does one detach form their mind? One of the proven techniques which can help is- meditation. One can start with a meditation exercise as simple as something where you sit in a quiet place, close your eyes & just concentrate on your breathing cycles of exhaling & inhaling. Over a period of time as you would be able to free your mind of any distracting thoughts while you meditate, you will start to appreciate the effects that it has on your behavior. You would actually be in the fast lane to inner peace- certain calmness would set in you that would get reflected in your behavior. So the key is to stop overthinking, & being at peace with things & circumstances. Try to engross yourself in activities that give you that sense of satisfaction & help you get out of somber mood- enjoy the moment.

A Weekend Well Spent

The last few months have been taxing , it has been an extended period of disappointments for me. The fact that I have imposed a mental restrain on myself is not helping matters much. In midst of this mundane schedule, an invitation from a friend for lunch at her place last weekend proved to be a welcome change. I went to her house  on Saturday noon. Of all things, I was taken aback by the house- everything spic and span, the shining furniture, bed covers spread out nicely without a single crease- guess girls are blessed with some magic powers to maintain the home in the perfect manner. Two other good friends were also invited , turning this tete- a tete into a get together of sorts The friend played a perfect host- again proving the point about girls.Conversations , banter & mouth watering home cooked food made for a great afternoon. After few more hours of yapping, reminiscing over old memories, we left for dinner at this place called Blue Nile. The food was amazing, specially the mutton seekh kebabs- the best I’ve had till date. Having nothing better to do- we all went to watch Gangs Of Wasseypur, next day.

I finally came back to my pigeon hole in the evening. All in all it was a great weekend, even though I missed boozing – because of dry day( they should call it cry day) in Maharashtra. However I had beautiful company of great friends who made up for the lack of alcohol- this thought brings a popular song from Cocktail to my mind ” Charhi mujhe yaari teri aise jaise daaru desi”.  As I get back to the jaded life , I hope this weekend proves to be a milestone, bringing some luck as the second half of 2012 starts. Also I hope to see my friends again, maybe this time all we would do is get insanely drunk, in case good times usher in.

Crazy Stupid Love- My Crushes(Part1)

I used to be a boring kid, essentially a nerd till class 5.  I used to get that little attention of girls though, which was by the virtue of me  being a topper. However better sense prevailed soon & I started taking active interest in other things – cricket, video games & endless stupid shenanigans with my buddies  . Being the topper of the class no longer was on my wish list. The irony was that I still was not the popular kid- I was identified with my earlier nerdy avtar. This strikes you the most when you hit puberty, you no longer want to be a nerd- you want to be that cool guy. How things change so dramatically is evident from the fact that earlier what used to be a punishment- making you sit amongst girls in class , becomes the privilege that every guy desires. You start learning about sex, experience changes- hormones in your body run amok like raging bulls through alleys of Madrid.

I was never good looking, my sense of humor was pathetic to say the least & add to that me piling on those kilos served no good- the perfect recipe for the ultimate disaster as a teen. Understandably , I did not have a girlfriend- however this could not stop me from falling for someone. My first major crush was , when I was in class 11. Dad had kept his promise of buying me a motorbike after class 10- a  large part of the day was hence spent roaming around oggling at girls in Model Town- which was equivalent to “Times Square” in my city. Of all the girls, I developed an instant liking for her. We used to attend the physics & chemistry coaching classes together for entrance exam preparation. I however was lost in a different classroom, looking at her affectionately- getting lost in her silky tresses, those rosy cheeks , lips which seemed nothing less than rose petals & those eyes- innocence & serenity lying deep within them .Needless to say my grades were plummeting down faster than iceberg struck Titanic in the Atlantic Ocean.

However hard I must have tried ,I could never muster the courage to talk to her- that she was in a different school did not help my case either. This did not stop me from going out & buying the most expensive deo spray that I could find in the market & spraying it generously , to an extent that it lead to chapped skin – as if she would whiff the aroma , rip apart her clothes & wrap her arms around me like those models in TV commercials. I cajoled mom to buy me new trendy , fashionable clothes, every day I used to spend considerable time in front of the mirror , before going out for the tuition class. If this wasn’t enough, I used to borrow clothes from a cousin who was staying with us that time- just to catch her attention. I made sure to make the most out of  the frugal amounts I had been bestowed upon in the looks department .Many weeks passed by, without me even having a conversation with her apart from the occasional “class kab shuru hogi” “ I need to get your notes photocopied” . I decided if I can’t muster the courage to talk to her face to face, I’ll call her on phone. Neither of us had a cellphone that time, so I painfully searched for her number in the telephone directory- without having any clue about her dad’s name – there were hundreds of people with the same last name as her’s in that creepy phone directory. After much exploring I finally managed to get her fixed line phone number, but each time I called her – the deep heavy baritone of her father on the other side made me instantly disconnect the call.

I soon realized that this ain’t gonna work ; I started looking for other ways –luckily one of my very close friends had changed school & now used to be her classmate. I went to him with the trademark “ Bhai setting kara de”. He assured me that he would try & workout something , with the underlying warning that she is a hot commodity & there are many other guys who are after her- many of them being the rogue elements of the school, however those are the prime years of your youth, when you don’t fear anything or anyone- I went ahead with my “dekh loonga un ko” & told him to go ahead with it .I immediately saw a new door opening up, with rays of hope ushering in as my friend assured me patting my shoulder. Each day I would meet him and get updates on the progress. As luck would have it , one  sad day finally he came & told me that I didn’t stand a chance- but was reluctant to tell me exactly what had happened- this made me even more curious. I was hell bent to know the details. The words he uttered were nothing less than arrows with poisoned tips. This is an excerpt of the chat he had with her-

Friend-“ You know Amitoj”

She-“ Yeah he comes to my coaching class”

Friend-“ He is a nice guy, you should get to know him better, he is the proverbial tall, dark” . He was interrupted in between as she broke into peels of laughter

She-“ Giggling, ab handsome mat kehna”

I have a good laugh till this day, as I reminisce over this. Jokes apart, I took rejection very sportingly, unlike a lot of us who become instant “Dev Ds” & take this as an attack on their ego. The scope of any heart break was further eliminated when I saw her getting close to another guy. Some people might get hurt seeing their crush with someone, but on the contrary I did not feel bad- in fact I lost all respect  for her when I saw them indulging in PDAs during the class- playing footsie,  caressing each other . Soon I left the coaching class , as my academics bore a sad picture. The idea of ignoring the CBSE boards at the expense of the so called entrance exam preparation resulted in me failing in term exams- me getting lost in my own love lost paradise made matters worse. Nevertheless it was a great phase- the rush that you get on seeing your sweetheart, the way you heart races & your knees turn into jelly- there are very few other feelings that can come close to that. Those sweet feelings & moments of absolute bliss take control of you, logic & rationale take a backseat. Apart from all that, one other great thing about this crush was- it brings a smile on my face when I think of the stupid things I used to indulge into.

To be Contd….